The Art of LD Grant, Los Angeles Artist
West Coast Lowbrow Art by LD Grant at Gutterfresh
LD Grant - Pedestrian Rage

I’m getting out of this game. Pedestrianism. If that is indeed a word. Fuck it. I can’t take anymore. Some lessons only need to be learned once, and some thoughts—no matter if they are in the interest of self-preservation—are not healthy ones. There’s something a bit off in thinking, “I better stay between those crosswalk lines, because in the off case where I survive the collision, maybe I can get enough settlement money to buy a car.”

Ladies and gents, welcome to my Pedestrian Rage.

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Ever see an anxious chimpanzee? That faux smile, exposing all of the teeth while the head tends to wobble back and forth in a subtle "NO" pattern (sometimes a tight figure 8 as if they can't decide whether they agree or disagree with what is going on).

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I am so regretful that I didn't copy that ad in its entirety. The following exchange took place over 10 minutes (including checking to see if the ad was removed to copy it for the purposes of telling you, the net's wandering readers). The ad was titled Hot Slut Seeks Comic Book Artist

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Did you know that if cut both ways, one piece of bread actually yields four pieces of toast!? A single roll of two-ply toilet paper is two rolls of single-ply! Think outside the (cardboard) box you may (unwillingly) be living in!

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You are saying that if the messiah did show up AND after giving 6 references you would still put him on probation for 6 months? (Hope Jesus never shows up to you guys-- he would have to sneak salvation in while giving security the slip during one of his two allotted daily bathroom breaks)

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Narcissus would feel like she is trying to steal his thunder. Phrases such as, "I don't know why I am so popular" are thrown about with the clumsy lack of self-awareness of a three-year-old girl who insists that she is real princess and wears a tutu.

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Though my usual ramblings are sarcastic and dark-humored, I believe that if more artists did this, there would be a better sense of community--and the individuals would be better for it.

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Shouldn't I be given credit for being healthy to offset the real costs of taking care of morbidly obese diabetic 11 year olds living on happy meals, and Flamin' Hot Cheetos

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The texture was totally off. They weren't crispy or soft-style. Some mushy place inbetween. Had to be a mistake right?

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So, I was asked the other day if I had any ideas for an art installation. I had a few ideas rattling around, including one that could use (but not necessarily require) prop money as part of the dressing. Being the good citizen that I am

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All his foods must be prepped in the backyard over a fire pit, kabob-style, because using an oven is "extremely difficult." (The stick is for cooking with AND eating off!) Maybe he supplements his entire diet by eating a lot Lunchables, too. Constructing a sandwich without all of the components handed to you in one package might prove "extremely difficult."

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...April says hi. If you are moving to San Diego that puts you close enough to be a part time sex slave then right? I would say full time but our place is a bit cozy in the hills of Los Angeles, and we just dont have the proper space to tie you up on a long term basis...

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...My two-and-a-half year old nephew has better continence than this. "Mommy, mommy, look! The pony poo poo'd and pee pee'd." So did your uncle, 27 years your senior. I'm not a big boy. I don't get a star for using the potty. I fucking soiled my underroos!...

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...The former celebrity section up in Heaven would look more like a Wal-Mart shoppers' convention crapped straight out of suburbia. I would love to see that, the glamorous stripped of the goods and given back all of their physical flaws...

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...The wait was about 40 minutes. And then I was called to the resident genius, Liz. Liz looked like she needed to eat about six cheeseburgers, get a good night's sleep, and get a haircut...

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...So let me save you some money if I can. Instead of going to the theater to see Hostel, you should stay in and rent Motel Hell. But before you watch it, turn on Showtime or Cinemax and watch about 25 minutes of soft-core -- because that is exactly what happens in Hostel before the plot develops...

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...Not that that's what I went to the movie for, but they spend zillions of dollars on "creating life" and come up with a King Kong sans dong?! How can you represent the ultimate in primal beasts without a dick?...

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...So we made it to LA, thanks mostly to April's driving of the U-Haul (with the platform auto trailer in the back too!). It got pretty scary in through the mountains of Arizona before Nevada. Ever been scared awake? Try the Hoover Dam detour -- lane changes in pitch black with visibility of only about 30 feet...

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...He pauses to finish some captivating passage, closes the book and walks down the block. He introduces himself, then I do the same. Then in less than two minutes we find out he used to be a chef and a figure skater, and is retired in his early forties...

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...But I am getting off the point. A dog is not an accessory. The last time dogs were an actual accessory was when the French aristocracy had little lap dogs around to lure the fleas away from themselves. (Yes, it's true.)...

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...April's little sister is staying with us for a week. We are flying her in from a small town in central Illinois. We wanted to show her life outside of a rural town. Her first view will be the armpit-cheese hotel as the temporary fix for the crotch-rot apartment we live in...

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...I have owned, bemoaned, and sold my first car--to a crusty, racist hippy named Ray, but that is its own story... enough story to make a Mother May I Sleep with Danger-styled after-school special...

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...There's something a bit off in thinking, "I better stay between those crosswalk lines, because in the off case where I survive the collision, maybe I can get enough settlement money to buy a car."...

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