In the spirit of eco-paranoia and economic skittishness, I thought I would put together a list of helpful suggestions for clean and cheap living. You will have to get creative along the way. Get ready ☺!
1. Try to stay home. The outside world is noisy, frightening, and expensive! With the exception of online shopping or gambling, staying inside or in the yard is the best way to save money. But don't answer the phone. They'll eventually get wise to you and start calling for money, information, and/or your time.
2. While you are at home, you will not be eating out! If you don't make calls, you won't be ordering from catalogs or delivered food. You will be forced (ahem, liberated) to forage your cupboards and create a meal with unprepared ingredients. Supplement pantry staples with local flora and fauna (try to avoid poisonous plants and vermin waste). When supplies run low, plan a "freegan" expedition the night before garbage day as the neighbors put out their leftovers. Get there early for the best pickings.
3. Don't go to church! You don't have to give up religion, but going to church expends resources: The cost of gas to get there, the donations and tithes usually given, and keeping up a "Sunday Best" wardrobe can get costly. Your god knows where you are, what you are up to, and whether you are praying regularly.
4. Electricity: Don't use it! Turn off everything except one clock to tell you when it is time to go to work. In accordance with Steps 1 and 2, you should be afraid of the outside world that you are trying to preserve and save, so you shouldn't really need any entertainment or news about it--with the exception of checking for updates on Gutterfresh.com, of course. Also, since you're transitioning to scavenging purely environmental eating, you won't need refrigeration.
5. Water, water everywhere! Don't drink it. Or water the lawn, or flush the toilet, or clean yourself. That's what the public domain is for. Now, this is kind of the scary part, because you will have to go out into public to achieve frugal yet environmentally friendly water usage. For drinking, teeth-brushing, and washing, go to your local library bathroom. For a more luxurious bathing experience, go to your city hall or local shopping mall. They often have water features, fountains, and wishing wells. Let the users' and operators' waste and disrespect for Mother Earth be your gain. (While you're at it, take some of those wishin' coins. Let someone else's dreams help yours come true!)
6. Conservation of energy is the key. Don't let pride get in the way of this ultimate goal. Limit yourself to one set each of work clothes and casual clothes. You can stretch the use out of your work clothes by working less hard, thus creating less sweat that causes the clothes to require laundering (also reducing the amount of laundry soap mucking up the world's water supply). By working less hard, you also will require less sustenance (see Step 2). Your casual clothes may get a little more "lived" in, but that's okay. You will be wearing them when venturing to get clean (Step 5) or food (Step 2). You can air everything out by being naked when at home. Are you modest? Remember that, according to Step #, you will not be using electricity, so at-home nudity will be in the dark.
7. When in Rome... hoof it! In the old days, people walked or used horses. What's wrong with that? People got around just fine and didn't complain about it. From now on, walk wherever you need to go. If you have a horse, attach a wagon and "cart-pool" with other mindful people. You will be severely reducing emissions, getting more exercise (which will make you lose weight and further reduce your need to consume calories like a fatty), and keeping your horse healthy.
8. Get inventive☺! Did you know that if cut both ways, one piece of bread actually yields four pieces of toast!? A single roll of two-ply toilet paper is two rolls of single-ply! Think outside the (cardboard) box you may (unwillingly) be living in!
9. Words are cheap and free! When in doubt, talk it out. You can save money by giving excuses or lies. Equally effective at diversion are compliments and apologies. The more informed and educated that those sound, the better they will be received. While you are at the library freshening up (Step 5), take a dictionary to the bathroom with you. Flowery language will help all of the excuses, lies, compliments, and apologies go over more smoothly. Plus, as your vocabulary expands, you my find yourself able to write poems or songs (to be sung a capella -- instruments cost too much) to replace any gestures or occasions requiring gifts. It is the thought that counts!
10. Try to have fun.
1. Try to stay home. The outside world is noisy, frightening, and expensive! With the exception of online shopping or gambling, staying inside or in the yard is the best way to save money. But don't answer the phone. They'll eventually get wise to you and start calling for money, information, and/or your time.
2. While you are at home, you will not be eating out! If you don't make calls, you won't be ordering from catalogs or delivered food. You will be forced (ahem, liberated) to forage your cupboards and create a meal with unprepared ingredients. Supplement pantry staples with local flora and fauna (try to avoid poisonous plants and vermin waste). When supplies run low, plan a "freegan" expedition the night before garbage day as the neighbors put out their leftovers. Get there early for the best pickings.
3. Don't go to church! You don't have to give up religion, but going to church expends resources: The cost of gas to get there, the donations and tithes usually given, and keeping up a "Sunday Best" wardrobe can get costly. Your god knows where you are, what you are up to, and whether you are praying regularly.
4. Electricity: Don't use it! Turn off everything except one clock to tell you when it is time to go to work. In accordance with Steps 1 and 2, you should be afraid of the outside world that you are trying to preserve and save, so you shouldn't really need any entertainment or news about it--with the exception of checking for updates on Gutterfresh.com, of course. Also, since you're transitioning to scavenging purely environmental eating, you won't need refrigeration.
5. Water, water everywhere! Don't drink it. Or water the lawn, or flush the toilet, or clean yourself. That's what the public domain is for. Now, this is kind of the scary part, because you will have to go out into public to achieve frugal yet environmentally friendly water usage. For drinking, teeth-brushing, and washing, go to your local library bathroom. For a more luxurious bathing experience, go to your city hall or local shopping mall. They often have water features, fountains, and wishing wells. Let the users' and operators' waste and disrespect for Mother Earth be your gain. (While you're at it, take some of those wishin' coins. Let someone else's dreams help yours come true!)
6. Conservation of energy is the key. Don't let pride get in the way of this ultimate goal. Limit yourself to one set each of work clothes and casual clothes. You can stretch the use out of your work clothes by working less hard, thus creating less sweat that causes the clothes to require laundering (also reducing the amount of laundry soap mucking up the world's water supply). By working less hard, you also will require less sustenance (see Step 2). Your casual clothes may get a little more "lived" in, but that's okay. You will be wearing them when venturing to get clean (Step 5) or food (Step 2). You can air everything out by being naked when at home. Are you modest? Remember that, according to Step #, you will not be using electricity, so at-home nudity will be in the dark.
7. When in Rome... hoof it! In the old days, people walked or used horses. What's wrong with that? People got around just fine and didn't complain about it. From now on, walk wherever you need to go. If you have a horse, attach a wagon and "cart-pool" with other mindful people. You will be severely reducing emissions, getting more exercise (which will make you lose weight and further reduce your need to consume calories like a fatty), and keeping your horse healthy.
8. Get inventive☺! Did you know that if cut both ways, one piece of bread actually yields four pieces of toast!? A single roll of two-ply toilet paper is two rolls of single-ply! Think outside the (cardboard) box you may (unwillingly) be living in!
9. Words are cheap and free! When in doubt, talk it out. You can save money by giving excuses or lies. Equally effective at diversion are compliments and apologies. The more informed and educated that those sound, the better they will be received. While you are at the library freshening up (Step 5), take a dictionary to the bathroom with you. Flowery language will help all of the excuses, lies, compliments, and apologies go over more smoothly. Plus, as your vocabulary expands, you my find yourself able to write poems or songs (to be sung a capella -- instruments cost too much) to replace any gestures or occasions requiring gifts. It is the thought that counts!
10. Try to have fun.